


Heartache

by beemotionpicture



Series: bee's Thor's Week 2019 [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Canon, Character Study, Fix-It, Gen, I cried while writing this, Slightly experimental and maybe confusing? Sorta?, Time Travel, be warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-01 06:48:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17239424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beemotionpicture/pseuds/beemotionpicture
Summary: Just as Thanos snaps his fingers, Thor’s fist closes around the gauntlet.The Time Stone cracks, and he gets to see his family again.





	Heartache

**Author's Note:**

> Day 2: Family
> 
> Time travel fix it.

Thor does not wake up. He snaps into existence.

“I was- I was protecting my home…”

Odin says something, but Thor does not hear over the blood rushing through his ears.

He is on Asgard. In fact, he is standing in the Bifrost observatory—the older, ancient one. The one he destroyed all those years ago.

There is a thick fog in his mind. He has memories of a battle on Midgard, of all places. Of traversing the nine realms and forging a weapon on Nidavellir. He recalls floating in an endless void, bodies all around him. He remembers Loki in his arms as he—

As Loki—

Loki is standing with him, he realizes.

Loki is alive and that, more than these foreign memories, rattles him.

Their voices come to him, faintly at first. He sees that Odin is furious with him, and why wouldn’t he be? Thor has started a war between two realms. His earlier ire has deflated, and idly he wonders why he was ever angry at all.

“What have I done?”

That stops Odin’s tirade. Although it is not Odin that Thor looks at, but Loki.

Loki’s eyes are afraid. He tries to hide it, and ordinarily Thor would be too ignorant to notice. But this Loki is much, much easier to read.

Easier than whom, exactly?

Thor shakes himself from his reverie, and addresses his father. “Father, I—“

For a moment, Thor cannot even bear to look at Odin. There is an ache in his chest that seems to worsen when he looks at his father.

“Thor. Do you realize the repercussions of your actions? What you have brought upon us, upon all of Asgard?”

Loki makes to speak, to defend Thor, but Odin stops him with a snarl. Thor remembers Loki backing down from their father many times, but the way he recoiled just now leaves a sinking feeling in his gut.

Thor’s breath comes out in short, staggering bursts. He cannot handle the onslaught of emotions—his mind cannot comprehend—

What has Thanos done to him?

As the thought enters his mind, the blackness creeps into his vision and Thor’s face crumples as he falls down to a knee and clutches his chest.

“Thor!”

_I should have gone for the head._

As he succumbs to the darkness, he wonders what those words mean.

  
  


Thor blinks his eyes open slowly and Frigga is there by his bedside. Turning his head, he sees Loki standing off to the side of the room, arms crossed and in thought.

“Brooding again, brother?” He gives him a weak grin and tries to make light of the situation, but he knows Loki must be in pain.

He is in pain, because Loki is…

He is Jotun. Thor’s head pounds, he can feel his heartbeat in his temples—everything is still unclear but of this Thor is sure.

And yet, the thought does not bother him. What disgusts him is the idea that he had attacked Jotunheim, calling the frost giants monsters. It is as if he had taken Mjolnir and struck Loki down himself.

He notices the absence in the room immediately.

“…where is Father?”

Frigga smiles at him tiredly. “Resting, dearheart. It has been a busy day for all of you. But Thor—for you to collapse so suddenly…did anything happen on Jotunheim? Were you struck by a spell?”

Thor sits up gingerly, though his body feels more refreshed than ever. His mind, however, is still weary. He cannot pinpoint precisely why.

But he knows there is something he must do, immediately.

“Brother?”

His brother looks at him, but Loki is not altogether there. “Yes, Thor?”

Thor hesitates because Frigga is there, but he knows that Loki trusts her more than anyone. More than himself, anyway.

“I am truly sorry, brother. For Jotunheim.”

Loki’s gaze gives nothing away. “I agreed to go with you, did I not? This war was brought upon by both of us, not just yourself.”

“That is not what I meant.”

Loki raises an eyebrow cooly. “Then, pray tell, what do you mean? Are you apologizing for yet again having overreacted at a petty taunt, or of inciting Laufey’s ire by maiming those monsters in combat?”

“Loki,” Frigga says, a low warning.

Thor wants to close his eyes but he has to face this.

“I am sorry, Loki, for ever thinking that Jotuns could be monsters. For you are my brother, and I see nothing monstrous about you.”

The air in the room grows significantly colder.

Loki’s eyes are wide, and he is panting now. His hands are clenched in fists and there is mist forming as he breathes.

Thor does not look away from Loki, but hears Frigga’s sharp intake of breath.

Loki snarls and stalks up to where Thor is seated on the bed. His anger is like a tight coil, ready to snap at any moment.

“And where did this sudden wisdom of yours come from, _Thor_?” It has not gone unnoticed that Loki has refused to call him brother since he awoke. “It was naught but hours ago when you were overturning tables and threatening to kill all the frost giants who dared threaten your rise to the throne!”

It is a jab aimed at his pride and failed coronation, but also a deflection if Thor ever heard one.

“I have been a fool and a hypocrite, brother.” Loki is close enough that Thor can rest his hand against his brother’s neck in a familiar gesture. Loki doesn’t flinch, and Thor takes that as a small victory. “This changes nothing. I love you. You are my brother, a prince of Asgard, and son to Mother and Father.”

“He is right, my love,” Frigga says softly.

Loki’s face twists and Thor realizes this is the most vulnerable he has seen Loki in…a long time. How cold Loki had grown towards him in the past few centuries, and he had remained blind to it.

Loki turns to address their mother. With a plea in his voice, he asks, “Why have you never told me?”

“Your father and I did not want you to feel any different,” Frigga implored.

“But I _am_ different! All these years I had wondered why I’ve always been second to Thor, even in your hearts. And now I know the answer.”

Frigga’s eyes flare, and Thor does not understand how Loki cannot see he is his mother’s son. “Your father and I love you both equally. If we have treated you any differently, it is because two of you _are_ different from each other, just as you say.”

Thor listens to their mother and waits for Loki. He always will.

Her eyes soften. “Tell me, my son. If your father had given you Mjolnir and I taught Thor how to wield the blade, would that have been the right thing to do?”

Thor sees the anger leave Loki. He could never stay displeased with Mother for very long.

Thor says in a quiet voice so unlike him, “I took you for granted, Loki. I pushed you to this. I know-I know that it was you who let the frost giants into Asgard.”

Loki remains very still.

“But it is also my brashness that had drove you to this and I am sorry. Brother, I never want to lose you. Please forgive me, for all the wrong I have caused you these past centuries.”

Loki looks at him with bright eyes and says nothing. But moments later, he nods.

While all is not forgiven, it is a start.

  
  


Thor leaves Loki and Frigga to talk, knowing she will be able to soothe Loki better than he ever could.

Thor finds his father resting wearily in his chambers. He is surprised the Allfather has not fallen into the Odinsleep yet.

_I am surprised he kept her at bay for all these years._

Who is she?

He is struck with the image of Asgard in flames. These memories—he knows they are real. He does not understand what they mean, but he is sure they are real.

“Father. May we talk?”

Odin’s earlier aggressive demeanor has subsided. He does not quite sigh, but Thor can tell that he would like to.

“This is not about Jotunheim, I suppose? Nor is it of your brother’s heritage.”

Thor starts. “How did you—?”

Despite everything, there is a twinkle in his father’s eye. He adjusts his grip on Gungnir, and does not need to explain.

Odin leans forward. “Tell me, my son. What ails you?”

“‘Thor Odinson. My firstborn. My heir.’ Those were your words earlier, Father, when you would have crowned me king.”

“And what of them?”

“They are not true, are they? I know what secrets you have been hiding.” He shifts Mjolnir in his grip and looks down at her sadly. “She was never mine to begin with, was she?”

Thor can feel Odin’s stare and dares not shy away from it.

He looks up at his father with steel in his eyes. “Father. Tell me of Hela.”

  
  


When he sees his friends again, his heart is both lighter and heavier.

It feels like decades since he had last seen Sif and the Warriors Three. They had all died on Asgard, when Hela had besieged their realm.

They had died. And yet, he had seen them mere hours ago.

It is Sif who approaches him first. Her eyes roam his form, searching for any hint of injury. She relaxes a fraction when she finds none.

“We were worried when we heard you were taken to the healing ward,” she begins. “I had not realized you had been wounded on Jotunheim…?” Her voice betrays her confusion.

He clasps a hand on her shoulder and smiles reassuringly. “I was not. I suppose the stress just got to me.”

She looks doubtful and, when Thor looks at each of the Warriors Three in turn, they have similar expressions.

“What did the Allfather say?” Fandral asks the question that must be on all their minds.

“He and I had a long discussion.” Thor doesn’t mention that it wasn’t about the war he had incited. “We will deal with the matter with diplomacy. Neither the people of Asgard nor that of Jotunheim should have to experience the horrors of war.”

They all look baffled, and Thor understands why. He is not quite acting like himself, he supposes. But the past few years have changed him, in what he hopes is for the better.

He is overcome with a spell of dizziness once more and Volstagg steadies him as he clutches his head.

“Thor?!”

He doesn’t know who cried out his name. He can barely register anything past the pounding in his head.

Thor laughs breathlessly and tries to wave it off, pulling away from Volstagg’s steady hold. “I apologize. Something is…very wrong.”

“We can see that,” Hogun says, quiet as usual. Thor wonders if he’s imagining the unsteadiness in his voice.

“Thor,” Sif is grave when she addresses him, “please. Tell us what is going on.”

“That is the problem,” he replies. “I do not know myself, Sif.”

  
  


He manages to slip away from the conversation, citing his need to rest. They are reluctant, of course, and Thor is grateful that he’d had such good friends.

He enters his chambers, inhaling deeply and resting his forehead against the heavy doors. There is a faint, deliberate sound behind him—and although he is surprised that Loki has sought him out so soon, he does not startle.

“Brother,” he says instead as he turns around.

Loki’s face is unreadable. “You mean it, then?” he says, and although it sounds like a non sequitur, Thor knows exactly what he means.

He nods firmly, not daring to look away. “Always. You will always be my brother.”

But it is Loki who looks away, to study a particularly uninteresting wall on the far side of the room.

They are silent for a while as Thor waits for Loki to gather his thoughts. That used to annoy him, once upon a time; Loki had always been prone to long silences and Thor’d never had the patience for them.

Thor thinks he would wait an eternity for Loki now. He never realized how precious their time together was.

When Loki turns back to him, his gaze is sharp, eyes narrowed. “You are Thor. I know in my heart that is true. But at the same time,” he pauses, and it is obvious the thought does not sit well with him, “you are not. So, tell me—what has changed?”

Thor smiles and it is tired. He joins Loki where he sits on the bed, the perfect picture of aloofness. But Thor knows Loki, knows that he feels tense under the detached air he exudes.

Thor sighs heavily although the smile does not leave his face. He laces his fingers together and leans forward, resting his arms on his knees. He can feel Loki’s gaze on his profile, but is content to look inwardly for now.

“I should not be so happy, I think,” Thor starts, “to see you. I have done the world—no, the universe—a huge wrong.”

“There is no sense to what you just said,” Loki says slowly.

“I saw you die.” His voice is quiet and he tries not to let the pain overcome him. “I let,” he swallows, “ _everyone_ die.”

Loki makes a low, frustrated sound.

Thor wants to explain, but finds that he cannot. “You said you knew me,” he echoes Loki’s words. “But I do not think I know myself.”

Loki stays perfectly still.

Thor’s mouth twists as he says the words out loud. “I believe that either this is Hel or it is some cruel joke. But what I am hoping against all hope is that this is a chance to get things right.”

Thor leans back, closing his eyes. When he speaks, Loki listens.

  
  


Dinner is a quiet, intimate affair. It is strange sitting in his mother’s garden as though the events of the past day did not happen.

The air between Thor and Loki is heavy; that cannot be ignored. Odin is thoughtful, reflecting on the conversation he’d had with Thor earlier. And Frigga, for the first time in Thor’s life, has let herself look weary in front of her sons.

Loki is ruminating on the earlier revelation, and Thor wonders if Loki believes his explanation. It was outrageous, to say the least; but as Thor had said the words out loud he knew that they were true.

Odin, of course, must be wondering about Thor’s sudden knowledge. Does the Allfather know of the power behind Thor’s unexplainable circumstances? Thor opens his mouth to ask, but Frigga speaks before he can manage.

“Where do we go from here,” she murmurs. “What do we do with you, Thor?”

Thor tilts his head at her and blinks slowly, honestly confused. “I- I am sorry. I do not understand.”

Frigga looks at him and she has never looked so sad. “I want to keep you close. I want to protect you with every fiber of my being, but you do not belong here.”

Thor freezes. “Mother?”

“I knew as soon as I touched you, my dear.” She gives him a watery smile. Odin is surprisingly quiet. Loki does not look up from his plate. “I knew your future. Or rather, your past.”

Oh.

Thor has always known that his mother was a seer, but he had never understood what that _meant_. Of course she knows. She has always seen right through him.

He licks his lips. “Must I leave you?” he asks sadly. From the corner of his eye, he sees Loki’s expression twist.

Frigga grasps his hand in hers. She reaches across the table and does the same to Loki.

“This was…truly special. I am glad to have had this with you. All of us are.”

It is the answer he did not want to hear. “And what happens when I go back? Will things…be different?”

Frigga shakes her head. “I do not believe so, my love. Some things you cannot change.”

Odin finally speaks. “Things will come to pass the way they should. Worry not, my son. You have done well.”

The sound Thor makes isn’t quite a sob. “How can you _possibly_ know that?”

“Because if this is the man you have become, then you should be proud.”

Thor looks down and blinks away the tears in his eyes. “I lose you. All of you. Would you have that from me again? Would you ask it of me?”

“I only ask what you can give. And that,” Odin breathes, and though Thor is not looking at him he hears the tremble in his words, “is already more than what you could even imagine, my son.”

Odin, Frigga, and Loki. This did not set things right between them, not at all—but his mother’s words were true. He cannot change the past.

And yet, fate has allowed Thor to have this much.

Thor looks up at them and weeps. “I love you,” he says with all his heart. His father, mother, and brother hear him, and their hearts respond with the same.

He lets go.  

**Author's Note:**

> I made a [Thor-centric discord](https://discord.gg/4dahRt8), if anyone is interested in joining. This is an INCEST-FREE server.
> 
> Follow me on [tumblr](https://beemotionpicture.tumblr.com).


End file.
